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I am in a whirlwind of thoughts. Sarah Palin is driving a bus to nowhere, Weiner is showing off his package, the weather is manic, people have no patience, and my friend has brain cancer, again.

I've been waiting for her pathology report to come back since before her surgery two weeks ago. I know, I know surgery has to come before anything else, but I am inpatient when we are talking about my friend's life. Prior to surgery, I knew they were suspecting a Glioblastoma Multiforme.

The first time around her surgery was very dramatic and oh so scary. She had so many post op complications and I was worried sick. I am still worried sick, but the second go about she is so much more capable and chipper that I was hopeful that this would be just another blip in the road. I've been calling and messaging her more often and getting prompt responses from her, which is a great sign as to her mental capacity and recovery.

This afternoon, I called her to find out the results of the pathology report and the outcome of the workup for the clinical trial she is trying to be part of. Pathology: Glioblastoma Multiforme Grade IV. And the only treatment she will be doing is a phase II clinical trial. No more chemo. No more radiation.

The conversation that followed the big revelation of diagnosis and prognosis left me somewhat stunned.

My friend and I reminisced over the fun we had, our times at work, and all of the people in between. She went on to tell me the things I had said to her years previous impacted her so much they framed the path she would take and the studies she would pursue in college. She went on to tell me how my work ethic, morals, and values changed her life. She then told me that a conversation we had had led to her first compliment from a mentor for whom she great respect. Her mother read her a book I recommended her while recovering from surgery.

Wow.

I had made that much of a difference in her life? The words I spoke had such an impact on her that she used them as a means to proceed with goals and her future life?

I listened to her words and asked myself how it is that I am placed so highly in her mind, a mind that is reviewing life and preparing for the unknown and yet I cannot do the same for myself?

I don't even know how to respond to this or what to think. All I know is that I would like to skip school and go to the wetlands and just breathe. And plan a trip to LA in the next few weeks.